this is not your everyday bible thumping....born again.....kind of revelation....I want to take this time to share with you....Just the observation that when life hands you a steady diet of assholes? ... throw them away quickly and move on. Don't try to hang onto them hoping that they will somehow become anything other than the assholes that they are...and don"t somehow feel guilty about throwing them back... they are assholes- they won't notice this or even care...But never give up on the fact that just because people for the most part are self-centered ...egotistical , greedy, one way mother fuckers...there are some still out there that don't embrace this kind of existence... They are out there ... For me? all I had to do was trust my gut instinct...hop a bus out of Seattle and 1st stop other side of the mountains...there was God.  This of course is a sort of inside joke between my new friend and myself... a nickname if u want to call it that. At any rate, while some called this foolish...dangerous...and downright irresponsible...I count myself lucky to have met someone who I know will be a lifelong friend and confident.

patches for this and patches for that....then if ya have a hole in your willpowerrrrr....they have a patch for that as well. so sad....too bad .....as  I seem to have a sucking black hole where my willpower used to be...sitting here now just oh....excuse me while i light this cigarette-crap ....no shortage of nicotine in this doodle...and the worst of it is i now can add another vice to my list..."patches" good grief....good bye

but before i get too deep...what i am is what iam...trying to get the speakers to work - they don't work...this makes me very and  as they used to work quite nicely....thank you! How can this be ? !!! i asked myself ..."what once was...now is not... and the beat? can slowly be heard reverberating through the nieghborhood as i bang my head against the wall...

 Yep...that's it ...it's all i have...nothing...-oh sure...you can have some....no-better yet-why don't you just go ahead and take it all. Seems mighty peculiar to me but people (oh not all people- just some people...."those who shall not be named"  have devoted not only time.......money.........plotting........scheeming to separate me from all the nothing i own.....i was confused......amused and amazed at the lengths people will go to get what it is that they feel they deserve....so there ya go assholes-you've won...you've all gotten what you deserve... , while i can't say that it's been a pleasure....?....knowing and dealing with you all ....anytime you need some more nothing? Feel free to help yourselves....i've got plenty of it and you will all always be at the top of that list...

he is out there somewhere...old...full of b.s....and merrily using people left and right. If you have seen this man ...be afraid...be very afraid...if he is living with u ? please do not remind him that he left me with little more than the clothes on my back and the lie that he'd be back in a few days...that was ( blissfully almost a year ago...) and to be quite honest ... Absence does not make the heart grow fonder... wish he'd left sooner- so if you are out there russ...thinking that ya screwed me over? Guess again...oh and by the way thankyou for your absence.

so i have a most handsome canadian friend...he knows who he is ...when asked what he did for a living said that he works designing bras and underwear...i was quite amused to think of a man ... slaving away at the ole' bra factory....then i of course needed to know how long he had been in women's underwear?  and I had to wonder what is "in" in women's underwear...demi-cups and lace he says so there you have it... (of course i am not schooled in the world nor words of underwear...and i needed to ask what a demi-cup is?...at any rate i then had it pointed out that my knowledge of underwear was truely lacking as i needed to have pointed out to me that i was not even spelling it right...hmmm...men in women's underwear...it still amuses me no matter how ya spell it...